24. Assertive Communication

There are three types of communication: Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive. You've probably heard all three of these terms before, but have you ever given much thought to what each word really means? Most of us are different types of communicators depending on who we are with and what situation is occurring.

A person utilizing Passive Communication tends to prioritize the needs, wants, and feelings of others, and does not typically stand up for themselves. In Passive Communication, the communicator’s needs go unmet simply because they are not expressed. Therefore others are not aware of what the communicators needs are, or if they even have any.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we've got Aggressive Communication. During Aggressive Communication, the communicator only prioritizes their own thoughts, wants, needs, feelings etc. , therefore, completely ignoring that of the other party. I’m sure y’all know what this looks and sounds like! During Aggressive Communication, the other party’s needs definitely go unmet (as the communicator simply does not listen to or care about anyone else’s perspective), and the communicator’s needs may go unmet as well (due to no one respecting this type of communication).

So, in the middle of the spectrum, we have Assertive Communication. During Assertive Communication, the communicator is aware of, acknowledges, and is respectful of the other person's thoughts, wants, needs, and feelings, while also communicating that of their own. With Assertive Communication, both parties’ needs get met. To practice assertiveness, it can be helpful to use the word "however." Ex: "I acknowledge your feelings and understand where you’re coming from, however, (insert your feelings/ needs here).”

Hope you found this helpful!

— Emily Duncan, LCSW
Duncan Counseling, LLC
Therapy for bright young women in TN, KY, FL