26. Realistic Expectations

Do you find yourself being constantly disappointed by the same situation or person in your life? Good news! There’s more in your control than you realize. There's nothing wrong with being optimistic or hopeful however when we set our bar so high, we might find ourselves being constantly disappointed.

So, lower your bar (don't resist this-I know it sounds a little uncomfortable, but let's call it setting a more realistic bar…).

If you can set your bar/ expectations a little more realistically, based on what you know about the person or the situation and the history of how things have gone in the past, then, if it ends up disappointing you, you're not as surprise. High expectations = big disappointment; realistic expectations = some disappointment but not as intense because it was expected. If the person or situation meets or exceeds your expectations, that's a bonus- yay! I like to tell my clients: We are not being “Negative Nancy” by lowering our bar, we are being Realistic Rhonda.

I hope this made sense and that you find it helpful. Soon, we'll talk about realistic expectations for ourselves a.k.a. compassion!

— Emily Duncan, LCSW
Duncan Counseling, LLC
Therapy for bright young women in TN, KY, FL